MY STORY

I am a wife, an adoptive mother of 2 incredible human beings both born in China, a lover of creativity, movement, stillness, aggression, intimacy, order, flow, balance, relationships and my puppy Koda. 

Once upon a time… I was born “in a dark room” at Ohio State University in 1977.   My birth was part of an experiment to see how this way of birth would affect babies.   My father took photographs of my crowning and emerging from the womb.  I have always been fascinated by these photographs and have wondered if my birth story somehow imprinted in me a love of and ability to see and play in the dark.    What do I define as the dark?  The dark is the unconscious territories, the spaces that we are afraid to enter and inhabit, the mysterious, the uncomfortable and unfamiliar, the unknown.  I gravitate towards these portal realms, the alchemical space between here and there, what is now and yet to be revealed or uncovered and where the magic and mystery hides.

I inherited my intuitive, empathic, and psychic ability through my maternal lineage, and it has been a gift that I have had to negotiate and learn to manage for as long as I can remember.  Building the relationship to what I allow in and what I need to block was my first training in developing boundaries.   

I am an only child who spent a lot of time alone and developed relationships with imaginary friends, fairies and flying unicorns (my daughter corrects me that unicorns don’t fly and it’s really a Pegasus…but this is my story and my unicorns fucking fly!) creating a very dreamy and playful realm in which to escape.  As an only child, I was also terrified of the dark; angry monsters hiding underneath my bed and in the closets, raging adults or anywhere else it was scary and “dark”.  Time travel forward to 8 years old, when life took a turn for the worse, my hiding place became addictions of many kinds - struggling, craving, needing, clinging.

Through my years of healing I’ve been able to transmute those addictive patterns into grounding, sensing, noticing, being-with, inviting, moving through sensation and allowing, bringing me home to myself with whatever arises.  My work here, in this body, on this planet, at this time, is to unwind, or at least loosen, these karmic knots and binds and to help guide others to do the same.  For much of my life, I’d been desperately searching to find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, chasing unicorns wondering when and with whom I will find what it is I am searching for.  It turns out it was myself. I learned to relate to my own deep dark wonderland. 

This longing to be free of all the internal/external/systemic/cultural conditioning and all of the dysfunctional bullshit nonsense has sent me down a path of endless exploratory healing with incredible teachers, coaches, and guides.  I've engaged in many trainings, years of different methods of therapy, years of weekly process painting, addiction and recovery circles, twelve step meetings, meditation trainings and silent retreats, supporting labor, birth and death of all kinds (including doula work), health coaching, massage school, mind body stress reduction, ceremony space and plant medicine, navigating all kinds of relationships, herbalism, reiki, chi nei tsang, polarity therapy, EMDR, yoga, poly-vagal theory, learning to listen with my full body, raising children not biologically mine, holotropic breathwork, unwinding dysfunctional attachment patterns, balancing out frantic, chaotic and stuck energy, sound healing, apprenticeships in shamanism, social justice and my intense passionate love affair with somatic experiencing (Do you get the picture?  I got really fucked up!!!!!  My husband and I are laughing hard as I write this and re-read to edit….). I have studied extensively and consistently for over 3 decades and will continue to do so.  My greatest teaching is that there’s no “me” without a “we”.  We are relational beings.  We are literally born through and out of each other.  It’s my relationships that have helped me save my own life and that I value above all.  

The other day I was called a UNICORN because I shared with a person that I have been at the same yoga studio, and only that studio for over 20 years (I guess this is considered rare these days?).  This comment got me reflecting about the meaning of the word “unicorn” and I can humbly and gratefully acknowledge that I have been deeply and intimately immersed in my community for over 20 years. It's true, I am indeed a unicorn.  Throughout life and all its profound experiences and challenges, I have remained present and available in my ever shifting community.  I have massaged, listened, prepared women and families to be parents, sponsored, supported labor, birth, and death, counseled, held, fed, cried with, apologized, held myself and others accountable, told stories and taught movement.  The people I have encountered have shaped and molded me in countless ways.  We have been there for each other.  I am grateful beyond words (and still trying to figure out how best to use my unicorn wings, even though it’s really called a Pegasus ). 

If you asked me why I do what I do NOW?  The pulse behind the impulse, it is this…

In my imaginary bubble, I want to create and live in a world where we can be with the reality of what is occurring now, in this ever-present unfolding moment.  A world where we are aware of our impacts on external/internal systems and our personal responsibility to it.  A world where we are in conscious relationships with conscious communication.  A world where the ancestors are communed with, listened to and fed. Where we feel deeply listened to and others feel heard, where we feel safe, held, and there is enough. A world where we take time to connect.  A world where we are all reminded to drop into our own inner resource and everyone can be responsible for their own human.  And meet each other.  Fully.  

Thank you for showing up and listening.  

Thank you for being here.  

Until soon~

              Love, mara

P.s. and she lived happily ever after.  The end….